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ihatehalfbloods

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why the fuck not [14 Nov 2004|10:06am]
[ mood | take a wild fucking guess ]

i've been thinking about it and i don't see why to keep on doing what i do. why the hell don't i just stop everything and just kill myself like i've wanted to for the past 2 years. is it just i've been too pussy to do it? it' so fucking worthless. i've tried somewhat to get heroin because ever since this summer i've become fascinated with the idea of killing myself by overdosing on the sweetest drug ever. also i'm gonna kill myself while listening to the cd the idiot by iggy pop cause thats what ian curtis did and might as well die copying someone great. the only thing i see myself being able to do cause i can't find any way to get heroin is takin like 100 tylenol. it may be the pussiest way ever to die but what the fuck do i care. i'll be dead. i don't know. i just thought of it today. why not drink some bleach and listen to the cd bleach by nrivana. that sounds pretty damn sweet to me. before i just said i wanted to overdose on heroin before 25 cuz that's a ways away and i don't feel quite as much of a pussy cuz i plan to do it in the end but i've cme to realize i'm a total pussy who just can't do it. i was thinking maybe this last suicidal time of mine has come because i got rolled for throwing a party but i've been this fucking depressed so many other times and before i threw the party and nothings making me feel better. i started weed so maybe i could feel happier but it doesn't fucking help at all. nothing i can see will ever help. i'm gonna do it eventually i don't know when but i hope it will be very soon. if you are all lucky i will get all my money together and my stash of weed and shit like that and give it all away the day before or close to when i do finally kill myself. wow i wrote a fucking lot. i'm going to go and think about killing myself some more and what do you know. i'm listening to iggy pop right now!

4 comments|post comment

[30 Oct 2004|08:41pm]
alright i'm over lj now. hopefully i can get over myspace soon too. i already dont give a shit about that but i haven't deleted it yet. damn i suck. alright. might as well end my lj about the same way zach did.

Just a pill and a dream
Died yesterday
Put a gun in his mouth and blew his way out
Just a pill and a dream
It's a suicide machine
She danced all night to the storm in her mind
She waits in the gutter
Someone she'll never find
Just a sill and a scheme
It's a suicide machine

She cried about the world
She slit her throat to fight it
Someone had told her she'd had it
Just a sill and a scheme
It's a suicide machine
Bobby had lost his secret identity
He saw his masculinity in a glass of Bordeaux
Just watch the show
It's a sparkler to his child eyes
It's a suicide machine

You find his wish
Get yourself some ammunition
Click!
It's a suicide machine

i'd lj cut this but it would take more than 5 seconds to learn that and i also just don't give a damn. well atleast my last 2 words will be good. fuck you.
2 comments|post comment

joe lacey is my hero [28 Oct 2004|08:44pm]
i've had enough of this bullshit from people about that kid hangin himself. i have heard so little but people are just bitchin about it and being sad. how the fuck are you sad about it. he wanted to fucken end his life and he fucken had the guts to do it. that's amazing to me how he could bring himself to do it. i don't feel sorry for him. i look up to him for that. he has shown more courage than i have fucken seen in anyone i know. i've tried to give a shit about it but fuck i don't know him and i have no way of feeling sad for him. the only way i can think of you people being sad is you can't have him anymore and are being selfish cunts or are sad he had to take his life. it was his fucken choice. he is awesome. why the fuck do you think i have ian curtis as my background. he is fucken amazing. he hanged himself. he rules. he is also in one incredible band. but i don't respect him or think he rules because of that. i admire him because he had enough balls to fucken end it all. he could fucken do it and all i could ever hope for is drugs as my way out. maybe that wont be enough for me someday. maybe i'd do the same as him. but fucken hell don't cry about it. you should all stop being fucken pussies and crying and be happy for that kid. sure he did it cuz his life was miserable or some shit like that. but fuck it. it was his way out and he rules for it. i'll probably get some person callin me a prick for this. so fucken what i aint saying i hate the kid and am happy he's dead. i'm fucken happy for him cuz he was able to do what some could only dream of.
3 comments|post comment

[17 Oct 2004|11:51am]
alright i think i'm done for a while with vicodin at school. main reason, i have none left. but i'll go with i have self restraint.
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[02 Oct 2004|10:48pm]
reasons that i aint gonna get laid till i'm 30. i hope i die before then so i think i'm gonna die a virgin.

1. i have nothing better to do than write on my lj why i ain't gonna get laid.
5 comments|post comment

[28 Sep 2004|04:43pm]
today started out pretty shitty. i took some vikadin but i didnt feel anything. it was a total waste of 5 bucks. that sucked a lot. but then my friend told me he's giving me shrooms for my birthday haha thats awesome. then tissy after school tried to swing around a pole but the pole fell over and his mom saw him and bitched at him. haha that was fucken great. then i got home and my dad bitched to me about nothing because he is a douche bag. yay.
1 comment|post comment

[26 Sep 2004|10:41am]
i retook some sweet ass test. go me. i'm more antisocial now. as i said before go me. what's sad is i was happy at first when i scored higher on antisocial but i got low on Schizotypal so i'm not sure if it's really all that big of an improvement. well unimprovement if you think having problems is bad. sadly i don't think i can ever score as high as zach did. he is my hero today.

DisorderRating
Paranoid:High
Schizoid:Moderate
Schizotypal:Low
Antisocial:High
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:Low
Narcissistic:Moderate
Avoidant:Low
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:Low

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

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talk to me - nirvana [21 Sep 2004|09:37pm]
wooo. my background is of ian curtis. he is extremely cool. he was in joy division. he also hanged himself. zach burn me your joy division cd dude you know you wanna. and buy me that gg allin belt you were talkin about.
3 comments|post comment

[18 Sep 2004|12:30am]
yay i finally downloaded the song i hate myself and want to die by nirvana. it is a sweet song. nirvana fucken rules. i hate you people.
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[06 Sep 2004|04:57pm]
i hate myself and want to die
3 comments|post comment

[28 Aug 2004|08:31pm]
i went to street-scene yesterday with jeff, zach, and stephen. afi was awesome. i never listened to them much before but they were incredible. well less incredible and more this is good music to hit everyone around you while jumping. i didn't know afi lyrics cause i don't listen to them so everyonce in a while i yelled with it at the screams. some chick passed out right in front of me. it was cool. while i was walkin away cause afi just finished some chick grabbed my ass. yay? i actually stayed with jeff the whole time. we thought it was going to be impossible but we actually didnt split apart with everyone pushing us everywhich way. ok not much else to say about it all. cept the killers suck and we we left before we heard social distortion.
2 comments|post comment

[24 Aug 2004|08:37pm]
holy shit look at my new background...isn't it fucken amazing. thank you zach. i can't believe i am saying this but zach, you made my journal about a million times better. the butthole cowgirls rule. oh by the way uncool people who don't know who the butthole cowgirls are they are the band jeff, zach, and i are in. holy fucken shit i can't believe how awesome my background is. everyone has to realize that is fucking incredible. ok well thank you zach you have saved my journal from going to shit. it was a huge improvement from my old background...X. what the hell was that. ok well you still owe me the germs cd the strokes cd the killers cd if u ever buy that and the donnas cd and everything else you own. and that 5 dollars you have owed me for like a month...cunt again thank you for my background
2 comments|post comment

holy crap zach needs to die [21 Aug 2004|10:12pm]
zach small is such a fucken cunt. look at my shit background. what a fucken loser. why the hell did i make my account at his house and he evenmade the password. YOU CUNT ZACH i hope you die. but uhhh if you die can i have your jacket cause that is the sweetest jacket. and the belt buckle damn i look hot in that belt. o and the ray bands. ok in all seriousness those ain't ray bands... you got them in TJ. nothing in TJ is real. its all fake crap. and uhhh yeah die zach die. i'll forgive you once you burn me the germs strokes and a shitload more of your cds you skank. o you also owe me 5 dollars which i wont get for a few months... god i hate you. ummm maybe i can put this in a way so no one else will find out but probably not because everyone knows. just remember somethin back in 7th grade... and it had to do with your pants...you uhhhh spilled somethin on them...and they were ruined...and if you dont get it now you are more than just a bunghole but a fucken retard. ok uhhhhhh i cant ramble anymore NOOOOOO boredom awwww FUCK
3 comments|post comment

saddle creek fucken rules [19 Aug 2004|12:11am]
i knew saddle creek was good before but i've finally realized how incredibly awesome the bands are. saddle creek rules beyond belief. o and uhhh ian curtis rules and if you don't know who he is or what band he is in you suck. if you know who he is you rule. if you know how he died you are amazingly cool. if you know what age he was when he died damn you are incredible and i love you. again for all those who don't know him i hate you.
1 comment|post comment

[17 Aug 2004|01:35pm]
almost forgot to say it's been a month since i last passed out...YAY wow that was a great night. haha thanx gordon for carying me around even after i passed out in my own mess
1 comment|post comment

[17 Aug 2004|03:59am]
yesterday/today(its 4 in the mornin) was pretty cool. bought the man who sold the world by david bowie, went to gordon's, smoked 6 cloves, drank a little, and thats about it. i only have two cloves left now. what shall i ever do. hmmm maybe smoke em? thats a brilliant idea. wow i love myself. uhh alright im bored outa my mind. nighty night people. o and the strokes rule so yay them.
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[31 Jul 2004|01:01am]
[a]Atari Teenage Riot
[b]Black Sabbath
[c]Cursive
[d]Doors
[e]Echo and the Bunnymen
[f]Foo Fighters
[g]G.G. Allin
[h]Hole
[i]Iggy Pop
[j]Jimi Hendrix Experience
[k]kmfdm
[l]Leningrad
[m]Marilyn Manson
[n]Nirvana
[o]Ozzy
[p]Pixies
[q]Queens of the stone age
[r]Red Hot Chili Peppers
[s]Strokes
[t]Type O Negative
[u]Unseen
[v]Vaselines
[w]Wipers
[x]X
[y]
[z]Zounds


Pick a band::G.G. Allin

answer each question with a song title.
Are you female or male:: one man army
Describe yourself:: Drink, Fight, and Fuck
How do some people feel about you:: One Man Army
How do you feel about yourself:: A Fuckup
Describe your ex girlfriend:: dog shit
Describe your current girlfriend:: when i die
Describe where you want to be:: unpredictable
Describe what you want to be:: livin' like an animal
Describe how you live:: life fast, die fast
Describe how you love:: you hate me and i hate you
Share a few words of wisdom:: Fuck Authority
5 comments|post comment

[30 Jul 2004|11:33pm]
[ mood | bored ]

last night i went to gordon's. it was boring. we walked around outside and found half a cigar on an ashtray. the tip wasn't even smashed up. we took it. we smoked it. it was cool. i then found almost a full cig on the ground. i picked it up for later. wow we were so much like bums that night. then we went back to the house. there were like 15 porno's on gordon's computer. that was cool yet i didn't have the privacy i desired. then we went out again. we had two drinks. one smelled so bad i didn't even want to try it but i did. the other was good at first and smelled good but the aftertaste made me want to smash my head into a wall. i barely drank anything. damn. we made some calls cuz we were bored. i called some chick named lindsay and gordon called chrissy. he was on the phone for 58 minutes...wtf. we walked around and it was cool. o yeah we smoked the cig i found. it was cool.

3 comments|post comment

[29 Jul 2004|02:52pm]
DisorderRating
Paranoid:High
Schizoid:Moderate
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Moderate
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:Low
Narcissistic:Moderate
Avoidant:Low
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:Low

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

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[25 Jul 2004|09:21pm]
Zach made...i mean jonathon harker made me make a live journal thing. What a fag i hope he dies. I was at his house and he made one for me... what a loser. Why the fuck did i go to his house. i would have more fun shooting myself in the head. O i got a gg allin cd now... he is the fucken man. unlike zach the homo
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